Haywire

I found Haywire to be the most interesting essay we've read so far. It was so different in comparison to the last three yet so relevant to the times now. I think that from the beginning, I was just as confused about Heather Seller's father as she was herself. How could this man, who appeared as just that on the outside, also be attracted to wearing, lipstick, powder, and nail polish? How could he shave every inch of his body and wear brassieres under his clothes? Better yet, why? By the end of the essay, we never really get the answer.

I got the impression the man was private. If Seller's knew about his little secret, and she did, her father didn't talk about it. I think he was hurting in all of his confusion. He cried a lot in the story, I noticed. Sometimes in the middle of the night while sitting on the sofa, sometimes during long drives and weeknight dinners. His chain-smoking, attraction to women, his pleasure in heterosexual porn,  all seemed like such a contradiction, but maybe he was just playing his part. Maybe he was pretending to be something that he wasn't or convincing himself that he was. Then again, it's possible he did find pleasure in all of these things while simultaneously finding happiness in women's attire.

Defining who Fred was became so important because it brought us one step closer to understanding. If Seller's father labeled himself as gay, we knew what he was and what that meant. We knew what he wasn't. However, it's challenging to understand when we don't exactly know what that person is or how they choose to be seen. Labels, especially in terms of gender or sexuality, can be controversial. It's a touchy subject considering some decide to forego them all together. Sometimes, things aren't so black and white.